i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sobbing to NWA
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
