I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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