someone threw a dead crab at me
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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