I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
