when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
