I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
