They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
