some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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