Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
