DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
