i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize