I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
