It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there's paper in my vomit.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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