My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
