You're completely useless in the revolution.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
