God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
