This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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