you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
