So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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