i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
