She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
