Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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