How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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