The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
