Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
