addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
