I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
