I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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