he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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