My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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