I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
