i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize