Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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