my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
