Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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