the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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