you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
