spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
