Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
