three words: i give head
three words: not that well
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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