Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
