oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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