dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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