Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
