ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
