I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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