come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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