Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
