Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize