i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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