found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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