Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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