I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
