I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
