New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize