Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
