In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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