I just cut my nipple shaving
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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