My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
