as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize