Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
