Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
