Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
