do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
