Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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