Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
