Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
