ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize