I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
