so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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