my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
