i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
